HARK Newsletter - January 2006 Issue

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Welcome to the HARK Monthly Spiritual Newsletter.

In this month's newsletter:
1. Inspirational quotations
2. Readers on our web site
3. I'll just sit here and look pretty, shall I?
4. GLOBAL LOVE DAY - 1st May 2006
5. and FINALLY...

1. INSPIRATIONAL QUOTATIONS:

"Let's not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realising it" Vincent Van Gogh.

"When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion" Dale Carnegie

"For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness" Emerson

2. READERS ON OUR WEB SITE

>>> LEONORA - Awarded 2005 Psychic of the Year (Tasmania) by Australian Psychics Association.

Read more about it on her page at http://www.hark.net.au/leonora.htm

3. ARTICLE "I'll just sit here and look pretty - shall I?"

by Julie Hargreaves

When there is a bunch of work to be done, are you one of the busy one's who rolled up their sleeves and got straight to it? Or did you find a nice little niche somewhere around the fringe where you could "supervise" and encourage without needing to work up a sweat?

Generally speaking, when there is a lot of activity going on, people tend to polarise into one of two categories. The ones doing the work and the "hoverers" around the fringe.

The "doers" know what needs to be done and are getting on with it - competent, busy - their focus is on the job at hand. Give them a task to do and they happily set about it and then move onto the next.

The "hoverers" on the other hand may be there for a number of reasons, but work isn't usually one of them. Sure, they will lend a hand if pushed, but their focus is on the social interaction, not on working up a sweat. They will be involved, usually wherever there are the most people congregated, either chatting with one of the doers, or commenting on the proceedings. They are usually good at spotting mistakes and may have many opinions on how the job should be done - after all, standing back means you have plenty of time to view things from a broader perspective! Their interaction will have them be part of the group but at the same time not contributing physically towards achieving much. In fact, they can often cause more work by distracting the doers enough that they then make mistakes.

Some "hoverers" mask their hovering intent by jumping in eagerly at the start of the proceedings, demonstrating their apparent enthusiasm and willingness to help. Making a hash of things, though, ensures that they are pushed out to the sidelines to keep out of the way.

"I'll just sit here and look pretty instead then, shall I?"

What is really going on in these situations? What do people gain by these strategies and activities? It's easy to assume that "hoverers" are just lazy, but what are the real motivations and kickbacks that prompt people in this behaviour?

If we look at this situation as a game, where the aim is to get the most emotional energy from any and all of the participants, then we start to see what the dynamics of the situation really are.

First, the players - generally, they are either "doers" or "hoverers".

The "doers" are there because there is a job to be done and their "pay out", their emotional rewards, come through achievement. They put their energy into something and see the rewards of their efforts manifesting before them - whether it is cooking a meal, clearing the yard, building a shed - there is a goal towards which they are striving. Each step, each task takes them nearer to their goal and at the end of the task or the end of the day - they can look at what they've achieved and feel a sense of satisfaction. For "doers" there may be a continuous flow of "feel good energy" born of self satisfaction, as they live each moment in the task at hand - being the best that they can be and seeing it reflected in whatever it is they are doing. That is the most balanced expression of productive effort. Some may simply grind their way through the task in order to reap their reward solely at the end it - because the job has finally been done. Either way the "doers" know that the emotional rewards come through their own efforts at the work on hand.

The "doers" are generally self-sufficient emotionally and their motivations are reasonably apparent, but what about the "hoverers"?

Their motivation is usually much less obvious. It is always for human interaction - without other players there can be no "game". They generally have an inner emotional need to be fulfilled and are looking for someone else to provide it. Yes, some may be considered lazy, but many have been trained from birth to be dependent upon others for their emotional needs to be met. Over-protective parenting or childhood abuse, although opposite extremes, can have similar outcomes when it comes to emotional gamesmanship. So the motivation for a "hoverer" is a supply of emotional energy. Because they have a deficit of self-love, they are looking for an external supply and this can only happen where there are other people around them with emotional energy to draw on.

I should draw a distinction here between habitual "hoverers" who are generally seasoned players and temporary "hoverers" who are thrust into a new situation or are being asked to do things that they aren't used to doing. With temporary feelings of insecurity or lack of confidence in the task at hand, temporary "hoverers" may sit on the side lines initially (perhaps play a few emotional games) until they feel confident enough (or received enough energy from others) that they can then progress to become a "doer". However, seasoned "hoverers" vary rarely change sides - everyone else provides what they need emotionally, so they don't need to!

These are the primary motivations for participation and how it plays out follows a number of strategies.

Being useless is one strategy for gaining emotional energy. Being useless means that the "hoverer" is at the centre of attention - while they are causing disruption, problems or minor distractions, someone else is diverting their attention, their energy to them. Just as a naughty child uses it's naughtiness to get the attention of a parent, winding someone up by screwing up or getting in the way, is a simple tactic and guaranteed to have an emotional energy flow directed towards the cause of it - THE HOVERER.

The "hoverer" could of course try to "be the best" at a particular task and do something so well that they gain the praise of everyone - but that takes a lot of effort (ask an Olympic medallist!) whereas it takes very little effort to do something badly. And, as habitual "hoverers" are generally on the lazy side of the fence - why would they put that much effort in, when there is an apparently easier way?

The "hoverer" who jumps in with enthusiasm at the beginning of an activity only to make a mess of things, ensures that they get quickly relegated to the sidelines. Not only do they get a quick energy boost from the screw-up, but they also receive the permission and acceptance of the others for not doing any further work. (I'll just sit here and look pretty, shall I?)

On the sidelines, a "hoverer" comes into their own. They look as if they are involved in what is going on because they are interacting with the "doers", but you'll probably also find them scanning to see who's watching them - being noticed is important and therefore their image is important. Whether this is to look "cool" or "loud", attention is what they seek. They are also usually the ones with the spare pair of hands, who are able to step in to meet newcomers - so they keep themselves busy networking and socialising. Remember - it is for the human interaction that they are there.

From the sidelines they are free to pump for as much emotional energy as possible from the "doers" - asking questions, generally participating but all the time slowing down the proceedings with minor distractions. Even after it is all over and everyone has gone home, some "hoverers" can have wound up the other players so much that a lot of time is spent afterwards beefing about the "hoverer", in order to release the frustrations that they initiated. So, the "hoverer" is gaining energy even in their absence!

So, how do you counter this? How do you deal with these people when you have got work to be done?

One way is to NOT invite them. This is often the case the second time - when people have got wise to their abilities and activities, they usually don't get asked back again! But, "hoverers" are good at continually broadening their circles to ensure that there is always a new game to join in somewhere. They are also good at building a network of family and friends around them that buy into their games and reinforce their strategies - people who continually take up the slack for them because they don't bother expecting them to pull their own weight anymore. Such as parents who still house, feed and clothe an offspring long after the other siblings have flown the nest. Or, friends who can be relied upon to pick up the tab, clear up the mess, take them home when they get drunk or basically bale them out whenever they're needed.

Another option if you discover that you invited a "hoverer" along to your activity, is to give them the job of checking everything, especially if there are many tasks occurring at the same time. They feel important because they appear to be "overseeing" things and so are less likely to play other more disruptive games. Don't necessarily rely on them though - but an extra pair of eyes checking the bigger picture can always be helpful.

The most important thing to remember though is - to stay calm. If they mess up, don't give them your emotional energy (anger and frustration) and don't let them off the hook. Make them fix up their mess if they make one, even if you can do it better or quicker. Also, be clear about what you want them to do from the start - don't make assumptions, and get them to make a commitment to it - it leaves less things for them to mess with.

Energy games are largely played out through fears and insecurities. Deal with people on that basis and maintain your own balance throughout and you stop short the game playing and the consequent energy drain. It is up to each person to find their self-love within, but you can help them by NOT reinforcing their negative patterns. It will certainly establish different ground rules for further dealings with you. They will either stay away from you or treat you with less game playing in the future.

If you are at all uncertain that a "game" is being played, one of the simplest ways to detect an energy game is to check your own feelings after an interaction with someone. If you feel drained or deflated in some way - then the other person just went away with some of your energy. If you are tense and wound up, then they are still receiving it.

But, don't just go and kick the dog to feel better - look at what you did that let them get away with it!

4. GLOBAL LOVE DAY 1st May 2006

Still time to enter the Art and Poetry Invitational - find out more from:

The Love Foundation, Inc.
P.O. Box 10114
Tampa, FL 33679-0114

http://www.thelovefoundation.com

5. AND FINALLY ...

Is that what heaven is really like?

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death.

Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later.

At the seance, she called out, "John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?" And a ghostly voice answered her, "Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you."

Martha tearfully asked, "Oh John, what is it like where you are?"

"It's beautiful. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time." replied John.

"What do you do all day?" asked Martha.

"Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there's nothing but making love until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. After dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about 11 p.m."

Martha was somewhat taken aback. "Is that what heaven really is like?"

"Heaven? I'm not in heaven, Martha." says John.

"Well, then, where are you?" asks Martha.

"I'm a rabbit in Arizona."

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