I Love Me 

This is not a statement born out of vanity, but a simple declaration that I have as much love to give myself as I give to anyone else.

It declares that my world starts from me outwards and not the other way around. It doesn't stop me from being loving and generous to others, but it allows me to acknowledge that love starts from my self in order to "be love" and "have love" for others.

Of course, that's the ideal.

Most of the time, we are flapping around looking to latch onto anything that looks like it loves us, because of a big gaping hole in our self-esteem that says "I'm ugly, I'm fat, I'm worthless, nobody loves me" or variations on that theme.

And, what do we fill up this void with? Anything that comes along and gives some satisfaction, no matter how temporary. Just like junk food addicts - we accept whatever is handy, to try and fill up the hungry need. So, when along comes the lover who really just wants someone to replace his mother and wash his shirts - yep you'll do - I'm hungry now, I'll worry about the indigestion later! Or, maybe you keep attracting Miss Dominator - and each time you hope that inside this wrapping you might find a caramel creme, as opposed to the nut cluster you usually get. Or perhaps you buy a dog, cat, budgerigar - anything you can call your own and that demonstrates unconditional love (well nearly unconditional, they don't know how to use the can opener).

Our relationship with food makes a good analogy for how we respond to people - both demonstrate our values of self-esteem.

We generally know what we should eat for a healthy diet, that junk food provides a quick fix when we're hungry but it doesn't sustain us - mostly it makes us fat and often makes us ill. We know that for a healthy body, we should eat healthy food ....

And so it is with relationships - the people we choose to have close relationships with in life reflect what our sub-conscious self thinks we deserve or are worth. Look closely at those people - they are a really good barometer of your inner self-esteem.

So, if you've not yet achieved your conscious desires for a partner who not only washes his own shirts but also irons yours or someone who doesn't greet you at the door with a rolling pin, then it's time for a long hard chat with your self-esteem.

It may need a bit of coaxing to get it out of it's hiding place though - it knows it's in trouble already because it was the one that got you into this mess in the first place!

So be nice to it, call a truce, give it all the love you have, forgive it for past mistakes and let it come out into the light and bask in the warmth of your love.

That's all it was looking for anyway.

(J Hargreaves 1st May 2004)

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