Resolve and Resolutions 

Does your year start with good intentions, bright ideas and hope for your dreams and wishes to be fulfilled this year?

Have you made your list of New Year Resolutions with perhaps an underlying thought that they aren't likely to make it to the end of January?

Does your list contain mainly a lot of things you are TRYING TO GIVE UP?

Let me help you make a start on this year with a list of resolutions that you are more likely to keep and more likely to achieve.

After the festive feasting, I bet most people have a diet related resolution, so let's use that as an example. Usual ones are on the lines of:

.. I will try to lose weight
.. I will Lose x kilos/pounds
.. I will cut out chocolate/sweets/junk food/booze

These are doomed to failure from the start because they are stated in a way that focuses on what is not wanted (ie weight) or what has to be sacrificed to achieve them. They are also vague in their expected outcome. Even stating how much you want to lose, which at least quantifies the aim, is still focusing on what you don't want. Imagine if you jumped in to a boxing ring and your opponent is your excess flab or the junk food you are trying to avoid eating. You are locked in to that fight until one of you wins. Your attention is only focused on what you are trying to beat and it is hard work, punishing, bruising as you fight and fight to win. When you have to fight so hard, it is no wonder you keep losing the battle of the bulge or give in to be free of the fight!

Another failure point is in using the word TRY in your resolution. TRY lacks any form of commitment - it says you will TRY - it doesn't say you will SUCCEED.

However, if you think about what it is you actually want to BE and state a resolution with that as a goal, then you are making a positive statement and focusing your attention on your aims and not the process of getting there. This revised resolution could be stated as:

.. Be a size 14
.. Be able to fit into my wedding outfit/clothes I wore 5 years ago

These resolutions now have a clear goal to aim for and they are focusing your attention on a positive state of BEING. There is no focus on what you may or may not have to give up in order to achieve it (which would only act as an anchor and hold you back from achieving it).

The next thing you can do to help the process along is to put a time frame on the resolution, so that it is clear when you are going to achieve it. Otherwise it is just some wishful idea that may or may not come true, sometime, maybe, whenever .... Of course, you need to be realistic - you can't drop 5 dress sizes in a week (not without surgery anyway!), so give yourself reasonable goals to achieve.

So now your resolution should look something like these:

.. Become a size 14 by June 1st.
.. Be able to fit in my swimsuit by the summer vacation.
.. Be able to wear my outfit for my wedding, without need of corsetry.

It is then just a small step to work out a plan of how you are going to get there. By breaking the resolution down into smaller stages, you can work out your best way to achieve your aim. If you gave yourself 6 months say, to reach your goal - you can work out a monthly programme to help you mark your progress, build in rewards, get support from others or whatever it will take to keep you on track.

With resolution and planning you can help yourself towards the commitment you made on the 1st of January. And, that's THE MOST significant thing that that you just did - state your New Year's Resolution as a COMMITMENT and not as a mere wish. Most new year resolutions fail, because they lack any form of commitment to them.

Something else to bear in mind when making this year's resolutions, is to be realistic about how much you can commit to. If you try and do too much all at once, you may set yourself up for failure, simply because you are overloaded. Changing all of your life at one go may be necessary occasionally, but usually, change can be handled more comfortably, if taken one step at a time. So, when you have made your list, look at the commitments as a whole and see if there are going to be conflicting goals. If you are taking on more than you might manage, nominate which ones might be put on a backburner if the going gets tough, or put a priority on each one, so that it is clear which goals are the most important to YOU.

Forget the WISH LIST - be RESOLUTE and COMMIT to your NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS.

(J Hargreaves 30th December 2004)

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