There is an old saying - "A problem shared is a problem halved". 

Well, this is very true. A person does usually feel as if their problem has got a lot smaller after sharing it with someone else.

The reason for this has to do with the energy fields around us and how energy flows between us. We each have an energy field. When we are happy and positive and life feels good, then we are "full of energy", we are in touch with the universal energy around us, enriching us and filling our energy needs. When we feel "down", it is because we are no longer in touch with that abundant universal energy, we are withdrawn within ourselves and have a small energy field around us. It is at times like this that we may resort to energy "games" to fill up our inner need for energy. It may often seem fairly innocuous, but it is a bit like Dracula going out for a "quick suck" on a virgin's blood - and we all do it to some degree or other!

The Problem Dump is just one of a multitude of games that we play.

In it's simplest form it is a quick fix at a time of need. There is a positive energy flow towards the person "sharing" their problem, which gives them a feeling of a lighter load and perhaps reduces their worry. They have the undivided attention of a caring friend which in itself draws energy, maybe some rational thoughts to help balance a temporarily unbalanced view of the world and to give some perspective which helps the person with the problem see things more clearly. This is a fairly straightforward exchange where a carer donates a bit of energy to help someone see over the top of their individual rut so that they can drag themselves out of it. And if we all take a turn now and then in either role, then there is no drama, no worries!

Where this process becomes an energy "game" is where there is a habitual pattern of Problem Dumping, with the "dumper" regularly finding victims to "dump on". Basically anyone who will listen. 

The Problem Dump is often played along with a Poor Me game to gain even more energy out of a situation. During these exchanges, the "listener" may get pumped for as much energy as possible, leaving them drained at the end of it and glad to get away. A seriously out of balance Problem Dumper won't care how many times they have repeated telling their story nor to whom, they will keep going while there is any energy around to suck. It will usually only be when the "listener" pulls out, finds a way to leave, escape even, because they won't have much luck changing the conversation as it will inevitably drift back to the problem.

The Problem Dumper won't ever deal with their problems, or fix the situation - they don't need to because they have found a simple way of topping up the energy loss caused by the problem, by dumping it on other people. You can spot the habitual dumpers, by the number of reasons that they find for not fixing it or why a solution won't work for them - they will have a list of excuses longer than your arm and as you patiently explore solutions, they will have an answer for every one! They will always listen though and play along, because while you are discussing their problem they are getting your energy!

Perhaps you can spot yourself in one of these roles - are you a "dumper" or an unwitting "dumpee" ?

(J Hargreaves - 4th December 2000)

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